As we all know, thoughts and beliefs not only shape our actions and behaviors but also influence our emotional and physical health. While our rational beliefs are guided by flexibility, balance, and logic, irrational beliefs are rigid, extreme, and illogical. Rational beliefs are healthy and are based on what is most likely to work. They play a huge role in self-help contributing to a full and satisfying life. Irrational beliefs, on the contrary, are based on how we think the world should be which isn’t always a reality. Following irrational beliefs in the heat of the moment instead of taking time to reflect and act rationally leads to frustration and setbacks.
Dr. Russell Bourne, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, and Vell’s longtime friend wrote this article to help you identify common irrational beliefs and replace them with their rational alternatives.
Irrational Belief 1: The Need for Approval
“I must be loved or approved by everyone I consider significant.”
Approval-seeking behaviors result in an inability to take constructive criticism which is essential to healthy collaboration with peers. People who identify success with the need for approval can often fall victim to emotional abuse where their feelings and needs get invalidated which can result in low self-esteem, self-doubts, and loneliness.
As a rational alternative to seeking validation from everyone, I suggest adopting a more flexible mindset:
“I want to be loved or approved by most people, and I will try to act in a respectful manner. But it is inevitable that some people, for their own reasons, will not like or accept me. This is not catastrophic; my self-esteem cannot depend on the whims of others.”
Focusing on yourself and making an effort not to worry about what others think of you can help overcome insecurities and gain self-confidence. Following your own beliefs and dreams can unlock your true potential and lead to a happier, healthier life.
Irrational Belief 2: High Self-Expectations
“I must be thoroughly competent and adequate in everything I do. I should not be satisfied with myself unless I’m the best!”
High self-expectations can lead to emotional distress, anxiety, and depression. Worrying that our efforts are insufficient puts tremendous pressure on our emotional and mental health. It can also lead to disengagement and loss of interest in projects and relationships.
High self-expectations can be remedied by striving to do our best rather than being our best.
“I can enjoy doing things even if I am not particularly good at them. I am not afraid to try things where I might fail; I am fallible and failing does not mean I am a lousy person. Rather, taking risks is courageous and is a necessity if I am to grow and experience life’s opportunities.”
Enjoying the process and learning from our setbacks and failures can bring so much value to our life! We should be chasing not the expectations but the application and the learning process that we gain from achieving our goals.
Irrational Belief 3: Playing The Blame Game
“People who do bad things are inherently bad, wicked, and villainous; they should be severely blamed and punished.”
Acting upon your perception of bad behaviors by blaming others for their wrongdoing can often lead to unhelpful emotions like resentment, hatred, and anger. Subconsciously, we often blame others for escaping from guilt or for reassuring our self-righteousness. When we blame others, we refuse to take responsibility for our contribution to the problem. Playing the blame game is neither constructive nor helpful.
Giving a person the benefit of the doubt is a rational alternative to blame. Instead of defaulting to blame, we can choose to think that “some people commit acts that are anti-social and inappropriate out of ignorance or emotional upset. That’s why I will try to induce more constructive action from them, and I will remember that I do not have to like them or associate with them if I choose not to.”
Irrational Belief 4: Reactions Charged with Frustration
“I can’t stand it when things don’t go as planned! It’s awful and catastrophic. I can’t do anything about it!”
Grasping for control is a natural reaction to a sudden change. When things don’t go our way, we can feel helpless, anxious, depressed, and unable to find a solution to the crisis. As a result, we react out of frustration, anger, and other negatively charged emotions. These behaviors can be perceived as unpleasant and can cause harm to ourselves and to others.
Instead of acting out of frustration, I suggest stepping away from the problem. Rather than seeing it as the end of the world, think: “It’s inconvenient and distressing when things don’t go as planned. However, it’s not a catastrophe. It’s not intolerable and I can stand it. I will change things for the better if I can cope with what I can’t change.”
Irrational Belief 5: Emotional Irresponsibility
“I can’t control my distress as external factors cause it.”
Uncontrollable emotional distress can take a toll on our daily functioning as well as our emotional and mental health. The triggers of distress aren’t always obvious and can be caused by a variety of external factors ranging from unfavorable work conditions to relationship problems with partners and family members.
Acknowledging the distress at the time when it’s triggered and understanding that one can control their emotional reactions, is the first step in reducing pain. A rational alternative to emotional irresponsibility would be thinking: “As happiness comes from within, it’s created by the individual. I don’t want to create my negative emotions, instead, I will make up my mind to be happy and set out to do things that make me happy.”
Irrational Belief 6: Problem Avoidance
“It is easier to avoid than face certain life difficulties and responsibilities.”
Avoidance is a form of coping behavior where a person tries not to think about the problem or discuss it with others to find a solution. Rather than dealing with stressors, a person experiencing hardship removes themselves from the situation entirely. While avoiding stress may seem like a good solution for distress, it’s not an effective technique for solving the actual problem.
Instead of running away from the issue, try thinking “I will do necessary things to solve it no matter how much I hate or dislike them.” Replacing avoidance with active coping strategies can help improve awareness and combat stress at its root cause.
Conclusion
Overcoming irrational thoughts and beliefs is not an easy task. It takes a lot of hard work and discipline. Understanding your irrational beliefs and replacing them with their rational alternatives is the first step on a path to a happier, more fulfilled life. If you do this every day, accurate, helpful thoughts will come naturally in the form of solutions you haven’t considered before. Trusting your intuition and learning these valuable technics can make a huge difference in all aspects of your personal and professional life.
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